Sometimes the road just ends

 

I have been thinking a lot lately about people that are no longer around, people that you thought would be forever and aren't. The people that for a season were your whole world then all of the sudden they aren't.  People that I gave my everything to, then they just went away. People that I really counted on, then one day they were no longer a choice. The people who I reached out too when I didn't know where to go and was met with a response that was sharper than many swords and crushed me .  There are so many chapters and shades to every story. I am sure that they all have their reasons, their stories .  I think its important that people know not everyone has people and when you are someone's person, you have to be careful with their heart. The problem is that I have people but I am never someone's person back. I hear a voice from the past saying well not everyone can be your friend.  And even after all this time I totally took it personally.  I am not everyone's cup of tea, and they are not mine, I know that.  I am not asking for everyone to be there when they don't want to what I ask for is kindness and respect.  I ask for those things now more than I ever have and its amazing those that have stuck around and those that are just a bitter sweet memory. 

  And then I heard this line : Sometimes the road just ends.  

And that line hit me like a ton of breaks. 

Sometimes The Road just ends. 

I can think that most situations in my life, the road has just ended.  When I am no longer useful, when I no longer just smile and agree when I have a voice and use it, my usefulness has ended and I am swept away in my own tears that no one ever notices. All too often with no rhyme or reason I am just left behind, in the blink of an eye.

In so many aspects of my life, the road has just ended  with people and I am left wondering what in the world happened and why was I left again.  And I used to fight, I to often tried to hold on.  But why ? Why try  when their road has ended including me and I am doing everything that I can to keep building that same road that we were once on together .

I am done trying to be the only one building. I am done.   

Even now I find myself writing a sentence or two then stopping because their are no words.  I can't find the words to describe how things have worked for me. I can honestly say that I pretty much expect that I am going to get left.  There is that hope that someday I am going to find people that  are mine just as much as I am theirs.  I can say that about the people in DC.  I can say that about some of the people I have worked with and maybe two others.  So in many aspects, I am lucky.  It's the people in my everyday that I more that miss.  The people that I can count on, no matter the level of sadness.  

I think at this time in my life I have to learn that sometimes the road just ends.  Sometimes, people will not take your side, sometimes I will not be fought for.  Sometimes I will be discarded with yesterdays news and there is not a single thing that I can do about that. I have to learn that I am not valued how I value others.  I am not a person for people to call their own.  That is just heartbreaking. All I want in this life is to be someone's person as much as they are mine, ad know it will always be so.

I heart your heart.