I need people

 

There is a longing lately to find my own people.  To find people that care about the same things that I do.  People who have things in common and have an understanding. I feel like an idiot, because I am 49 and these are things that should be well established you know.  People at my age already have people and I am the odd ball.  I am the one that is different that is alone.  I am the one so far behind in life that it often feels like I will never catch up.  I catch moments where I think, wow look at you, then all too often the other shoe drops and there is that oh yea,  I forgot, I don't fit here either.  I am not about fitting into what anyone thinks of me,  I just want to find a place where who I am fits. I want to be me and find a place where I belong.  Where I can share all the things that make my weird little heart happy.  I want to find people that I can call and say, can I just come over and sit on your couch I don't want to be alone.  I am already thinking about after the conference.  I wish that there was someone who would say ok we are going to dinner when  you are done, or, let's get coffee and you can tell me all about it. If someone said hey want to come watch a movie tonight, I would with out a second thought.  I have always been everyone's friend.  Going out of my way taking care of them, making sure that their heart was cared for and a few times I got that.  Never on a consistent basis, and when I thought we were in a place to share what I thought I was rejected before I took my next breath.  That is how things work for me, and I want them to be different.  I want to be their friend, but I also want them to be my friend. 

I heart your heart