I will never

 
There is a heaviness in the air about the things that I will never have. So many things were taken before I knew that they were mine. There are so many things that I will never experience, never have, and never hold, and there is a deep loss in that. I have lost so much in this lifetime, and there are days that it hits harder than I would like to admit. I am tired of doing everything on my own. I am tired of having to make every single decision. Everything in this life falls on my shoulders alone, and today, I am doing the best that I can, trying to find some kind of something that makes me feel less broken. So here I am, trying to find the words that are streaming from my eyes. Maybe this is just leftover feelings from Valentine's; maybe it's all the things that the Superbowl brought to the surface. Maybe it's just my tired heart longing for answers that I know I will never find. I am so heavy with heartbreak, and there is not a thing in the world that can take it away. So many things that need my attention, so many things that there are no answers for. One of those posts that is just my heart trying to make sense of things that there is no sense for. I know that there are words somewhere that fit. I know that there is a picture somewhere in the world that would make me feel less alone. I don't have time to find the picture or the words; the stairs are waiting, and the list of to-do's is growing. The anxiety is heavy in my chest, and trying to breathe isn't making it feel any better. So I keep going; tomorrow will be better, and tomorrow things will make more sense. Tomorrow, things won't seem so lonely for all the things I will never do.  

I heart your heart