When there are no words

So many things to say and I can even begin to find the words. Things are changing people are changing.  I feel everything so much and oh that is a hard place to be I just want to be seen and understood exactly where I am.

 

People just don't understand.  What I have lived through, totally changes the person that you become. 

Just this.  I need others to hear and understand, I need people to be there I need people to stay I just want to be someones most.

I am trying and fear loosing even more than I already have lost.

I  

ALWAYS 

I often feel like I am drowning in all the things I am trying to understand and all the unanswered questions that can't be answered.  I view the world from a perspective that is cloudy and from all the things I have seen.  I reach out for help, raising my hand and and I think people try, they try to reach out but they walk away and I fall back under the water.

Oh I hope so.....Someday someway 

I need training wheels again. There are things happening feelings that I can not do on my own. My children are 13 and so innocent.  I don't see myself as I see them.  I was never that carefree kid.  Worrying about car insurance and friends at school I was simply trying to survive

I will always always fight for others. I know what its like for no one to fight for you and I will never let that happen to others.

YES, this is what I have been doing and its more than hard.  The fear of always being alone is so heavy at times but at the same time I just can't chance the hurt either.  So at this point I am choosing not to.

OH SO MUCH LOVE. 

 

This just this. So much truth 

 Maybe that's the problem. 

Just to be a favorite, to be thought of for people to remember the things that are important to you.  The days when you are excited, the journey you have taken the anniversaries that have broken your heart. I want those things .  I want a song to come on and someone to say hello.  I want a little note telling me that they are thinking of me.  I want a hug every now and then.  I want someone to stay when I say that I am ok and ask more.  I want someone to hear the things that I can not bring my heart to say.