Big Feelings

I just need some time to get me back.  The sad is winning,  There are no people to share and speak with.

They are my world and why I keep going. 

Just those quiet moments when you want to reach out and then you remember what happens when you do... So you cry silently and hope maybe someday that will get better. 

Maybe this one says it all leave people better than you found them.  

I may sure as hell be broken but I will never stop trying to make people feel better.  Forever and always I will always make sure that no one has to feel the things that I have. 

Yes, this. If I said the things that I thought that I felt I feel as though the pieces I have left would crumble.  I am tired of being left, tired of being second and hurt that I am not a first for anyone ever.

Yes, simple things.  I have asked people please if you think of me say hello.  If you wonder how I am just let me know I am n your thoughts I ask for what I need and get things thrown in my face, do you know the time I have spent on you.....Yes Yes I do and I promise not to take anymore.

Yes, someday can I just be caught ? 

YES, I need to ask because being a bother and a pest is huge at the top of my list I will not ask for help, I will suffer and I will do my best.  I need you not to give up and just ask.  Even in the asking I will feel so much better.  

Yea, that is what I have.

Love it,  I try I so try.  There are days I think how awesome there are days I think holy shit will I ever be fine, be over it ?

SO MUCH TRUTH.  I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME RIGHT WHERE I AM.

I try, but there is so much to do.

I am so learning this.  Because I hold on so TIGHTLY.  Even if its not good its what I have. 

This feels terrible, I have come a long way there are so many things that I overcome on a daily basis, that no one sees that not one person acknowledges.  Instead of celebrating those things I get sad that I am alone in them.

NO, I am not fine. 

I am growing into this.  People have said fake it till you make it.  I don't want to fake being something that I am not.  I am not an extrovert.  I am not an outgoing person why would I want to fake that.  The quiet observant part of me isn't something bad that needs to be anything different.

Yes, but this becoming is more than lonely and quite painful.

Find this one hard to believe. 

Yes, more than tired of asking and my heart is heavy its been months since I have asked for help , its hard but if you can't hear me then why bother asking ??  SO I dont.  

I don't want to have to fight anymore.

Connection, YES.  I have no connection to others really.  Not that deep connection that my heart needs.

TRUTH.