The granny who cried wolf

The granny who cried wolf , that is all that I can think of. In summer school yesterday we read the book the little boy who cried wolf and OMG !  It made sense and was so fitting for the situation and I don't mean to make light or seem uncaring but when something is always wrong and there are always more and more Dr appointments, and then the ones that I am not even told about. Like another cortisone shot today how many months after surgery !!!!!  I can not take care of her.  I am really struggling. I don't want to be the bad daughter but when she wants to do something there is no problem.  Like another cruise that she is taking in October, not asking bout dates or anything, no consideration for anyone else?? The self- centerness, is more than hard to live with.   Yea I do not understand.  So I am not going to take time off to take her to appointments,  My job is too important, and I will not do it.  I am going to take my days to any more DR appointments.  I love her but the things that she does her actions, the things that she does like when I was growing p make things more than difficult.   and I would never ever make this decision again.  So very selfish and I am done,  it makes me more than sad and I don't at all understand. Nothing is enough and I have no more to give.  She complains about money all the time then goes the store buts what she and Vincent eats then eats what I have.  Borrows money goes shopping.  Borrows more money from a friend because she said she doesn't want her to worry. How about you not go to the store until you get paid ?  And medicine,  there are many times that she takes too much medicine.  She will make every excuse,  but when your mouth hangs open and you can not carry on a conversation that is not tired, that is drug stupor and I can not even tell you how terrible that is.  So many things that she does remind me of the house that I grew up in and I more than hate it.  The lying the keeping secrets, pretending that everything is fine when the house is on fire.  She puts Vincent into situations telling him not to tell me and that just isn't ok.  I have worked more than hard on creating a house with out those things and she brings them in with-out a thought.  That is her normal.  Well news flash it is not mine and when she does those things it hurts my heart .  I am not even sure that she sees a problem with the things that she did while I was growing up and doing those same things with her grandchildren id beyond unbearable.  She treas Vincent like a king, and makes sure that she is on Mariska for every little thing that she does.  It;s more than frustrating and I don't get it.  She treats them so different.  Mariska can clean the entire kitchen and n acknowledgment, Vincent will after 12 times asking him will bring up the trash and gets a gold star.  Exactly the same kind of things that I grew up with.  I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. She is not so old and complains about her health all the time. There is ALWAYS something wrong !!!  She wants recognition all the time for anything and I don't understand that. Clean the kitchen thank you, but I am not going to do cartwheels. Mariska and I clean it all the time and get nothing, we do it because when you have a house and you make a mess you clean it up. 

I want to be 44 and living in my house and feel relaxed. Feel at peace and do the things that make me happy.  I don't feel like I can do that.  I don't even get to sit in my chair and take a nap most of the time. I don't want to be told what to do and questioned all the time.  I want to be 44 and make my own decisions ans live my own life.  I want to support my own family in every way and live life to its fullest.  I want to continue to heal my own heart, and when you live with someone who cries wolf its more than hard to care for your own heart. It's truly an uphill battle, that I keep fighting.  Does it always have to be uphill for me ??

I heart your heart