Impacts of Trauma

Sometimes things just hit, and you realize that there are things that others just cannot understand. When you grow up in trauma, have experienced trauma you see and experience life very different. I like to call it trauma goggles. I view everything through trauma goggles, and I have beat myself up for it for a long time. This school year could not be a better example. Someone was advocating for me and was told well she is a special education teacher, like somehow that was an excuse to be hit, kicked, jumped on, slapped in the face. I was a bit shocked, in the response it was ok that those things were happening. It was ok because I was a Special Education Teacher. No, those things are never ok. I get hit and its memories of hurt and abuse. I get hit and for me I am brought back to terrible things. I am struck with objects and I flinch and I am reminded of things growing up. The biggest one was a few weeks ago; an object being thrown that hit my neck and there was a flashback of the gun on my neck and the panic attack that ensued was brutal. I think anyone, no matter what field that you are in needs to remember, that there are some really bad things that happen to people, and some of those things have lasting impacts. We are not less then, we are no less of an employee we just see and experience things different. A hit for you and a hit for me means 2 different things. Thrown objects for you and me are 2 very different experiences. We talk about trauma sensitive topics, and I am learning that I think we have forgotten that piece in the workplace. It makes me more than sad.  I don't want special attention, I don't want things to be a big deal. I don't expect everyone to walk on eggshells and act like I am going to break. What I would like is an understanding, that when those things happen it it is a reminder of things that they could never understand.  And they just need to be kind and know that how they experience things and I how I experience them are two things that are not even on the same planet. 

23 more days.  Here's to hoping that I can make it.  

I heart your heart.