just a broken heart

 So many words that are swirling, things I want to say and I don't have a clue how.  I feel everything in my bones.  My heart hurts.  I wonder if I will get ahead, if I will be loved if my heart will find its longing.  Will I break under the weight or soar like I dream.  I feel alone in this,  I know that I am not maybe just a change in the guards, something big around the corner.  Storms brewing inside, that I am not sure I know how to get around or out of this.  So many things and I stare wishing them to change not sure what steps I need to take next. 

 Yes, oh yes, bomb shelter, bulletproof will that save my heart ?

 Maybe ?  And thats more than sad, there is so much to give and share !

 I don't want to chase, but it seems they don't stay

 Nothing else needed.  No explanation .

 But things and people don't stay.

 Yep, scattered, so scattered , and out of place where exactly do I fit ??

Hard to be gentle when you don't feel like you measure up

 I want to save others from breaking hurts and I wish I had that care, just some extra loving care

 Just to get away.  not understood but to find some peace.

 When you want to feel them but its fading and you want them back the way it was

 SERIOUSLY , I WANT TO WISH YOU WERE HERE , I SO WANT TO AND DON"T

 THIS YES EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS

 But those moments it gets hard to love more.....THOSE MOMENTS

 But I am always by myself

 How do people stay if I don't chase ?  I fell lost when they once gave so much

 Things seem huge

This is more than harsh <3

                        I always have to prove my worth, always always.

Oh I do hold so tight, is that a bad thing.  I want more than anything to be loved, and to never be left alone

SO YES !

Always always always everyone else's feelings.
I know that some things are not me, that don't help me that don't being me peace its not a bad thing but just the way it is and I wish that people were ok with that, I wish that I was ok with that

It's the ever so deep sad that feels neverending <3

THIS

So many thoughts so many feelings.  Its all been worse the last few weeks that deep dark sadness that comes from your very soul.  You miss people, you miss belonging, you miss being a part of something so much bigger than you.  I get lost in my work, in cleaning, in TV, in helping others, in everything else but me.  God Dammit I always keep going but I wish someone would crawl under these covers and stay until I felt ok to come back out again 

I heart your heart .