Sometimes background people want to be celebrated

So yea I am not at all a fan of my Birthday.  They are hard for me in a lot of ways.  I know some reasons but I think there are others that I haven't even acknowledged.  Growing up there were parties that I was not invited to. There were parties that no one showed up for.  There was just a great deal of disappointment and a sense that I was unworthy and unimportant.  Another piece I am sure was the attention. Having that attention all focused on me was so uncomfortable and I would just rather be quietly celebrated in ways that I am comfortable with.

This year was exceptionally difficult.  There was not much acknowledgement and the night ended with me in tears, it was quite awful.  There were no cards or presents.  It was not a fun night.  And I didn't realize how much I hated the day, or even needed that small acknowledgement. Just a card. I was upset that I wasn't mentioned, in the school memo, not once, and yet other with birthdays in the same week were.  I take those things to mean how once again unimportant that I am, and not remembered. There was nothing special, nothing at all.

And then at out team meeting the first 20 minutes were spent celebrating a coworker which was awesome, there was a sense of sad, because once again I was the forgotten, there wasn't even a mention of my birthday.  It stung a little. 

And I think then I realized that every once in awhile it is nice to be celebrated to know that you are seen and important and cared for.  I didn't receive that this year and it was more than hard.  I don't at all want a huge production, I want the quiet card, that says I see you and happy Birthday.  I am sure that I might be more sensitive with all that is gong on  in the world, but birthdays have never been something that I looked forward too. But that acknowledgement that is what makes a difference.

Just such let downs for my birthday.  Over and over.  Here is to hoping that maybe next year I will be remembered. Maybe next year will be different.  Maybe someone will see and hear me next birthday.

I heart your heart.