No one to Ask

 

I am more than stressed. Like stressed beyond a single tear. Its am empty echo feeling. It is this huge hole that I don't think will ever be filled. And I hate it. People have no clue what it is like to have no family and no one that is close for those unconditional things that people take for granted. Just an example, my mortgage went up almost 400 dollars!   I was in panic mode, as a teacher paycheck to paycheck there is not an extra 400 around.  So, I had to start shopping for new insurance.  That in itself is stressful, but then imagine that you have no clue what you are doing and have to make these big decisions and have no one to ask and make sure that the decision you are making is a good one?  That is daily life, and it is more than hard to navigate.  I did find new house insurance and I hope that it's the same coverages and I hope that I made the right choice.  At the same time, it was the only choice, that would leave my mortgage where I needed the payment to be. There is no dad that I can go to and say is this the right thing to do is this insurance, ok?  There is no one for me to ask there is no shoulder to lean on, I am here it's just me and it all falls on me.  Every single big decision if something isn't right it's my fault. Sometimes it's more than overwhelming. I have to carry so many decisions all on my own. I just wish that there was someone in the everyday, just to guide me, to give advice and to reassure me that I am doing things ok and that I am not failing.  I just wish that there was a person that I could count on unconditionally all the time no matter what.  I have never had that and, sometimes that's what I want most in this world.