My Wish today

There have been so many tears this morning. The kind that just flow, that come from that place of such sadness where there aren't any words.  They are the tears of the losses and the things that I can't get back.  The tears of the questions that I can't answer and how that breaks my heart.  Today is one of those days I wish that I was loved. I wish I could say No, today I am not ok I just need you to be with me today.  Just be, let me cry hold my hand bring me some tea. Make me laugh, watch my favorite movie. Ask me what it is that I need today.  In theory in my heart that is the wish but in reality I have to dry the tears clean the kitchen and think of an excuse yet again something must have gotten in my eye.  Some days are just heavy, the weight of the life that I have lived is just to much to bear today.  I don't know what today will hold, I am going to try and be gentle with myself but that isn't a strong suit of mine.  There is that need to be cared for , that I so strongly want.  Just someone who loved with no strings attached someone who I know will stay without fail.  So today is not my best day.  Today I wish that my family is kind, that there is no drama.  I hope that my heart can just sit and let things be.  On days like this we can't save the world because our own heart is breaking.  Just one of those days, I would like to work in my journal have my music on and create a space for all the hurt the pain that is streaming down my face but I will have to settle for fixing things, making sure they are in their space.  So it is a day and I wish with every wish that someday, there can be an answer to the wish of all wishes to be seen and cared for above all else.

That is my wish. Truly

I heart your heart