Roe vs Wade

 

There are so many thoughts and feelings here.  An issue that I never thought really pertained to me but in fact does in so many ways.  I have been so affected this week with everyone on one side or the other. There are way to many people talking about things that they don't have experience with. I have been angry because each side is unable or unwilling to see the other side.  This is an issue that does matter to me.  One because I am a woman.  One because, I could have made the choice to have an abortion when I was raped and got pregnant and did not. Another is because knowing what I know now, I would not ever take that choice from another woman. Finally, because I want my daughter to have that choice if she was ever faced with what no woman should ever have to face alone.  I have been quiet I have been listening, but my insides are screaming.  

Here are examples of two different situations , two different outcomes. Each one was the right decision for that person. She made the right one for her. I made the right one for me. We both deserve that right.

When I was in my early twenties, a girl that I worked with was going for an abortion.  She was going to go alone and I could not let that happen. Even if you don't agree with what someone is doing your still have kindness and compassion for them. 

I took the day off of work and I took Mandy for her appointment. We left super early in the morning, and we made our way to the Dallas clinic. We just talked on the way there, easy conversation for an extremely heavy day. My every thought was on that little baby, hers was that she wasn't ready.

We were escorted into the building there were a few protestors.  You could see people leering outside with their personal agendas, judgements and signs. I didn't agree with what she was doing but she also knew that she wasn't ready to be a mom and her boyfriend was less than supportive. I knew it wasn't for me but I was going to support her.  Once we got inside there were different barriers to pass before you were in the actual waiting room.  It was a so sad place, with women and mothers there going on as if this was just another normal day.  There were really young girls, like really young and that broke my heart.  They were holding grocery bags of pads, and looked terrified.  I am guessing this wasn't their first time there.  I watched everything.  Everything.  There was some movie on about a Volcano, and I was amazed that a part of me believed that the world should stop and honor these women and girls and their babies if even for a short time but nothing was different.  These patients walked in with a little growing life and left with only their own.  

It was a strange place to be.  I wanted to give them all a hug, care for their heart find out their story and make sure that their heart was ok.  Anything other than a movie about a Volcano and people trying to escape.  

We sat there, Mandy and I.  They called her name, and she went back for the ultrasound.  She came out with tears in her eyes she said it was really hard to look.  I gave her a hug and we were quiet.  Many women and girls were called back some with great emotion some with little.  The ending was the same.  They finally called her back and I have to say that time seemed to stand still. I wanted to tell her that she could do this.  She could move in with me and I would help her.  But this is much bigger than that.  So she went back.  I sat there, waiting, and I was so very sad.  I wanted nothing more than to be a mom.  I was also thinking of Bella and thought of how opposite that the entire situation was.  Another choice could have been made, but I held her in my womb as long as I could loving every single second even given the circumstances;  While my friend was doing exactly the opposite making the choice not to carry this little life.  She was groggy as she came out and they wheeled her to the car.  I was worried about her comfort. She seemed content, she said that she was crampy but nothing really bad.  She was glad that it was over and glad that she went. We drove home mostly silent.  I can remember thinking there were three of us when I picked her up and dropping her back home there was only two.  I went home more than sad.

When I was 13 I was gang raped and got pregnant.  I told no one.  I lived in this fairy tale world that I was going to be this amazing mom and keep her safe.  I could have had an abortion.  If I had told someone that choice might have been made for me.  But I lost baby Bella at around 20 weeks. I did almost everything on my own,  Carrying that sweet girl was no different. That girl that I was then if she was cared for should have had the chance to have an abortion.  That is not what I would have wanted, but I believe it is a right.  You have no right to tell me what should and shouldn't happen with my body. If I was my daughter, I believe I may have considered abortion knowing the future to be had for her and that baby and the things the would have to face.

When I was 29 I had traveled back and forth to Boston to testify in my step sisters case.  The third time I went was when I finally took the stand,  and testified for her. I had no idea the toll that it would take on me.  I was a mess.  I was tired of attorney's and retelling my story so many times.  I was not doing well. I just wanted to be a normal girl,  doing normal things.  I wanted to date, have friends and enjoy life for once. Those were not the cards that I was dealt.  I was in a yahoo chat room and met a guy names Charles.  He was kind, made me smile, he was flirty.  He was going to be going to Afghanistan for his job with Raytheon and needed to go shopping.  I am not sure if he invited me or if I invited myself but I was going to help him get the things that he needed, have some lunch and come back home. I was so excited, this felt like the most normal thing I had done in a very long time.  He got to my house and had other plans. 

Two weeks later, the morning sickness started and I found out that I was pregnant.  The night that I took the test,  I can remember crying laying on the floor with my dog.  I had no idea what I was going to do, but I was going to be a mom.  From that point on nothing else mattered.  I was going to be a mom. My counselor at the time asked about an abortion.  And I am sure I gave him a look, that was not even in my mind,  that was not an option for me.  And I carried my sweet babies and they were born happy and healthy.  How they were conceived was as far away as something can get, my children were all that mattered.  It was more than hard being a single mom and things were said and done that no woman should ever have to deal with.  At the Health and Human Service office when they were a few weeks old,  the case worker threw a pen at me across the table and left the room when I didn't have information about the father to give her.  When she walked in tears were streaming down my face, I had done all the right things caring for my babies and was treated with such disrespect.  I can remember taking my sweet Mariska to the car and nursing her, I did nothing to deserve that treatment  And for the next 5 years every six months when I had to renew food stamps,  I was asked the same questions and treated with such disdain.  When those appointments came up I was so anxious because you never knew the level of awful that you might get on the other end of the line. 

There was the crisis pregnancy center that gave  me a bible and dirty, stained clothes telling me that I should be grateful.  I can remember crying sitting on my bed, my brand new precious babies.  I told my mom crying,  I don't want to be ungrateful but this isn't ok; I could not put those clothes on my children.  Don't give me a bible and dirty clothes and think all is well with the world.  They would give you diapers when you went there and I said it was twins and they basically said it was too bad. We needed a second high chair, we were given one with black mold on it , and were told we could jut wash it off.  That is how a single mother gets treated.  I wasn't looking for any kind of medal but to treated as a human, to be treated with kindness would have made the difference. 

There was the pastor that my mom talked to. He used to always go to her line hen she worked as a teller for the bank.  She always talked about me and her grandchildren.  And one day,  while talking about the struggle of a single mom he said well she should have kept her legs closed.  He didn't know my story,  my mother didn't know my story.  My mother came home and told me what he said and it was like a knife through my heart.  How fucking dare you. 

This is how a single mother gets treated far more often than you realize. 

I was a fighter and I made sure they got what they needed, I continued with school. I did all the right things.  As a single mother with Bi-racial twins I was treated as a second class citizen. 

I can remember when they were in third or fourth grade and one of the teachers asked about their father.  I had a few moments of insane courage and said that I was assaulted and it was just the three of us.  Her first words were wow,  many women would want to get an abortion.  I think I was always shocked because for me that wasn't an option.  I told her no, that these were my babies and my reason for everything. I just remember the shock on her face,  and that I chose to have them and be their mom was foreign to her.

For me abortion was never an option and never would be. I would make the same choice again, keeping my babies and loving them just as I have. 

I do believe that each little life is more than important regardless of the circumstances.  Because of what I went through and how I was treated I would also not take abortion away from a woman who was raped and found herself pregnant.  That is a choice that is too heavy to carry. 

I believe that a woman has the right to her own body.  I believe that abortion is not a choice for me, but I won't be responsible for taking that away from other women.  I feel like so much of this falls on the women's shoulders and it is a weight too heavy to carry alone.  As a nation we are quick to say no that life is important....and yet treat them with great disrespect once they are born. 

I am a women and this is a tragedy.  I am the perfect example.  I chose to be a mom and have my children and the struggles that I faced are unimaginable.  Now imagine the number of women whose choice is taken and whether they are ready to be a mom or not,  that is their only choice ?  Who will take care of those children ? Who will care for those moms ? 

No there is no easy answer, there is no right or wrong in Abortion. Each and every situation woman and pregnancy is different. 

I know this is long and I more than hope it makes sense.  Everyone keeps talking about rape and pregnancy and having the right, or allowing an abortion in that circumstance.  I just want people to open their minds and hearts. Because the things that you believe are not the same as the women next to you or the woman across the country.  We have to stop with  the judgement, and finger pointing. They want to take away the right but are unprepared for the consequences of that.  I hate that I am a prime example that we are going to see a lot more of, when we force women to keep pregnancies that they are fully unprepared to bare. I made the right choice for me and we have to allow all women to make the right choice for them. 

I heart your heart