First year of Grad classes

Today was the last day of year one of grad school.  There are so many thoughts and feelings, and I am desperately trying to put them in some kind of order to get them out.  I am learning that I have come from a different place than many classmates. I feel everything to the fullest and that is a blessing and a curse.  Yalom is someone whose work that I admire. He has a gentle spirit and has so much knowledge.  In out last group counseling class, we watched Yalom's cure.  There were so many moments of truth, in that one piece of work. It shows you who he is as a person.  It was deeply moving, and so important.  He explored so many different aspects of himself, of the counseling profession.  I love these people I spend my Saturdays with, they have a desire to help others, to make a difference.  

I feel like I have been saying this so often lately, but from where I come from, I have a different understanding of life, of the little things.  From where I have come from things have more meaning and I want them more.  For me this counseling degree is more than a dream come true, but a way for me to give meaning to the things that have happened to me.   I understand the importance of simply riding his bike.  I understand the silence of staring at the sea.  I understand those things to my very core.  Where I have come from, I see and experience the world very different.  I hope that I am learning that this isn't a bad thing, it is just a fact of life. I can remember someone telling me to fake it until I make it.  No, I am who I am who I am.  If you can't be around the person that I am, that is on you.  

I cried my first class this semester and I also cried the last class.  I tried so hard not to.  I was rehearsing in my head what I was going to say.  As soon as she called on me, it started.  I have come so far.  I have been hurt so deeply.  for me this is giving meaning to the most hurtful things in my life, it is making sure that others get to experience things, that I didn't get to experience.  This means the world to me and to be here in a place that I have longed for is pretty unbelievable. 

I heart your heart.