Full Circle

 

I think that this presentation in July is going to mean more than I could ever possibly imagine.  Presenting in a few weeks is going to be a full circle moment. As a girl in my late teens, I was going to school doing all the things, but I was terrified every day.  I went to Collin College, attending every class terrified that I might see one of my rapists.  I was a wreck and I kept doing all the things that I was supposed to do. I told no one and just lived with it.  These were just the things that happened to me.  No wonder school was so hard for me, I was always terrified and in fight mode al the time.  I only saw them a few times, but that fear was a constant. And I told no one; this was my life.  I was a scared girl without a voice who just wanted better in life.  looking back today, I am more than amazed that I kept going and never gave up.  There was a drive that I wanted more, I wanted to be free, I wanted to be safe. 

Today I am no longer that scared kid.  Today I have a voice and walking into that conference center, I am a different person.  Today I have a voice and I am going to use to help others understand. The terror that I felt each time on campus was stifling, I dreaded the end of class, walking to my car in the dark.  I can remember often asking classmates or waiting until someone else walked outside so I didn't have to be in the parking lot alone. Yet, I did do it all on my own, there was no support no encouragement, this was just my life. 

Such a contrast my life all that time ago and the person that I am today. I was barely surviving,  today I am fighting to survive and make things different.  I am not that scared kid anymore.  It's hard to believe that  just did it all,  I am more than amazed that I kept everything up.  So very different.  I am glad its in a different building,  but the same campus.  I am sure I am going to be nervous.  I also know that I have worked more than hard to get here, and I am no longer hiding and scared for my life. 

I heart your heart