Words that shouldn't be for me

 Unimaginable words

there are words that don't belong together or shouldn't belong to me 

but they do they do belong to me and I would give almost anything so they didn't

words that make a person disgusting

Words that are repulsive to my very being 

Words that as words sting, and as actions destroy.

Repulsive, destructive and unimaginable

When you are 5 these are the words  

co-spouse yes at 5. In every single way

Always kissing, his tongue in my mouth. I hated that. He was disgusting.

Sex all the time, you learn what is expected

You know how his body works

His parts in my mouth, in my body

used goods

full of fault

too tiny body , so much blood

don't you dare get sick, or complain of the pain

Slut, problem, bother

next time you won't fight

 so many things I just knew with-out any words necessary.  Maybe that is the scariest part.

When I was 13 these are the words

gang rape 

pregnancy because of rape

a train 

3 men at a time, everywhere everywhere. 

5 men please let me die

chanting chanting laughing all around 

maybe this turn will be the last, please be the last

I am dying

Just pull the trigger, kill me already

useless, full of fault 

unpopular, unattractive and slutish

No one would want to do that to you

I am just an entity unto myself (whatever the fuck that means)

When I was 28 still more words and I soaked them all in 

I just wanted to be normal

No, please stop

but we are supposed to go shopping. 

but we are supposed to go shopping. 

but we are supposed to go shopping. 

but we are supposed to go shopping. 

A pillow on my face and I'm far far away. 

Positive pregnancy test. Crying with my dog.  Yea mom I think its the flu. 

None of these words should be for me.  These things should not be at all. 

 Unimaginable words

there are words that don't belong together and shouldn't belong to me 

but they do they do belong to me and I would give almost anything so they didn't

words that make a person disgusting

Words that are repulsive to my very being 

Words that as words sting, and as actions destroy.

Repulsive, destructive and unimaginable