Breakdown

Just in a different spot than I have ever been in before.  Things are going in the right direction, and I feel more alone than ever. I think that after sharing my story piece by piece there is a sadness, that hits more than hard.  Just another level of understanding at how hard things were and how alone that I have been in this world. Each time that I speak it's a different layer and sometimes it just hurts.  These last days there has been a lot of sleeping, taking things slow and making everything pretty around me.  Cleaning fixing making sure that everything is in the just right spot.  I have been trying to be more present, taking time to breathe.   I am trying to be kind to myself in the process, and that is not an easy task.  Being gentle on myself is the last thing that I feel like doing. So many tears and I just have to be.  This world has been unkind, and I am doing everything possible to make it better.  It's just in the meantime, while I am working continuing to heal that things get tough.  Maybe it's not really a breakdown more like breaking open allowing the things out that need to see the light. Maybe it's just shining a light on the things that have been in the dark for longer than they should have. I am dreading the fact that work comes tomorrow.  I am trying to think positive.  I am going to try to have an open mind, but the only thing that I am is burnt out.  So it's all of everything.  I know that this year will go fast.  My classes start soon and all is heading in the right direction.  I have to remember that I am not going to be perfect, maybe for one I need to just be . 

I heart your heart.