Burnout

It is Sunday and I felt it as soon as I woke up. 

That dread, that absolute dread that I feel in my bones

I am working so hard to stay positive

I just need to go into work do my job love on my littles and forget the rest 

So much easier said than done 

When your voice isn't heard

When you are not valued

When you don't feel like an important part of the team

When I speak, I am ignored

When I have insight to offer it is overlooked

I am so burnt out .  

I thought that a different campus would help

it has not

Every day back on campus I have had to take ulcer medicine

All Summer I used less than a box

this job is taking the worst kind of toll

I want the little things not to bother me

I have so much to offer and none of that matters 

I have 11 years in teaching and my thoughts don't matter

that is not a place to be

So here I am another year

trying to take care of myself and get through

I have felt the tears a few times and the kids aren't even back yet

I have nothing left to give, and I have so much to offer

My soul is uncomfortable 

I am just not enough, only I am enough just not in this space

Stuck in a hard place and it makes my heart ache 

I look forward to my own classes in just a few weeks 

That will offer hope, that better things are coming

Grad school is my peace, my passion

Trying to stay positive, control the things I can and let the rest pass

I think I can I think I can

I have to right ?? 

I will hold on to this year knowing that if things are just as bad at Christmas, 

then for my own sanity I will choose another place

it's not even about trying harder

It is just I am burnt-out

Completely and totally burnt out and for me 

it's about surviving, getting through

I have to keep my eye on what makes me laugh and brings me joy, 

all the rest of all the things don't matter

I know that I am moving in the right direction

Doing all the right things and this is where I am in the meantime

I heart your heart